I thought I would let yesterday, Mother’s Day, be Mother’s Day and wait to post this after. It’s an emotional day. It’s a day full of expectation and sometimes disappointment. I had no complaints this year.. some of my kids are getting older and are starting to understand how much I have done for them for so long. But here’s a story I never really tell….. I had no plans to have kids. To EVER be a mother. It’s a fun story my own mother loves to tell…… often. In fact, I had my first child at 31 and second at 33…… and of course, that blew the chains off my heart and I was never the same ….. BUT I was not planning that. I also wasn’t planning on getting divorced or becoming a step-mom to two more boys. But I have been raising them for almost ten years and our family would seem empty without them. And I most certainly was not planning to have a child at 39 after having combined our family and finding ourselves the parents of an already “big family” by today’s standards. But that beautiful miracle is 7 now and again …. Our family would be empty without him.
But here is the thing… while I have wondered many times, how I got here ….. I have friends who could not have children. I have friends who chose to not have children (a very, very different thing than wanting them and not being able to have them). I have friends who have lost a child. I have friends who have adopted foster children. A friend who adopted 2 children when it was not going to happen in her life any other way. And again while I ruminate on how I became a mother … I have friends who have lost their mother’s. Friends with strained relationships with their mothers. And yes there are mothers out there that simply do not deserve to be celebrated.
So I always find Mother’s Day to be a particularly uncomfortable day. I am so blessed and happy to have what I have and I believe that while it wasn’t the path that I thought I would take …. It is a path I have embraced 100% (also a big shock to me) But I still feel sad for so many of my friends that I know are suffering on this day. Social media only makes it 1000 times worse. It’s such a competition to see who has the best experience…who’s kids love them the best… who’s husband appreciates them the most …. Are you feeling the hard eye roll that is happening even as I type this?? You should… it’s happening.
So while this blog is not necessarily a big reveal or super inspiring …or anything at all really, I feel like it just needs to be acknowledged that you do NOT need to be a mother, daughter, sister, aunt to know that women should all appreciate each other on this day. We all support each other as friends, co-workers, whatever …every single day so Mother’s Day should be no different. Do I love that my kids have to take time out of their self-centered world to acknowledge that I changed my entire Universe for them? YES..yes, yes, yes yes…… YES!! It’s been hard. I have happily given up on some dreams while I created entirely new ones, because of them. I have had to learn yoga and meditation just to live with OCD in a house full of boys that absolutely do not have OCD. Honestly… the least they can do is buy me a card and let me take a nap.
Today … the day after Mother’s Day.. when many of my friends felt left out, felt an incredible sadness, an emptiness….. know that it is just that, a day. It does not encompass all that we are as women … hell it doesn’t even encompass what it actually is to be a mother! Because truth be told … motherhood can be a real bitch. It can be some of the worst days of your life …… but you won’t see any of that shit on social media. Life is just not all happiness and beautiful moments captured with a nice paragraph and edited pictures.
I’ll take Mother’s Day as it is … a brief nod to all that I do. But I will not pretend that is a day that doesn’t leave some women out … because it does. But I don’t … and this blog is for you if you felt that way… It’s just a day … and we women are so much more than that one day.. every single damn day.